Now I Know Where I'd Be Without You
by Riko Ai Kumagai
Summary: mistake in first sentence of fourth paragraph In one tragic night, Haruhi, Tamaki, Kaoru and Hunny are all killed, leaving Mori, Hikaru and Kyouya to deal with it. How are they doinng it? Not well. Is this how we're going to be from now on? I hope not.


**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own any of the characters or Ouran High School Host Club the anime/ manga.

"Kaoru!"

"Mit-su-ku-ni?"

"Tamaki? Haru...hi?"

The first name was screamed from the throat of Kaoru. The second was pronounced as if for the first time by Mori. The last two were said slowly and confusedly, coming from Kyouya.

The three remaining people were left in the bedroom of Suou Tamaki, now the late Suou Tamaki. They were there for a sort of sleepover to celebrate the final day of school before the summer break.

"The room was raided," Kyouya would say later and monotonously, answering the questions of the police. "He pulled a gun on us."

Kyouya would find that was the only one able to answer the questions. Mori would not talk. Hikaru refused to be seperated from Kaoru's side.

"That is all," the police chief would tell him. "You may go."

And he would rise from the chair silently, and make his way out of the door, which he would close behind him, and close another door mentally. The door on this entire memory. Too bad this door wouldn't close all the way. It didn't fit into that lock. And it would keep swinging back open.

Hunny had died as fitted him. Mori had been leaning over him, realizing that there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it. And Hunny didn't have any last words. He had been unable to talk. But with his voice, maybe it was better that he hadn't tried to talk. His high-pitched voice did not fit the 'famous last words' speech anyway.

Kaoru had died with Hikaru trembling uncontrollably next to him. He'd coughed up some words, and Hikaru had grabbed his hand, as if hoping that he could hold on to his soul at the same time. But he couldn't.

Tamaki had died the most honorably, but gruesomely. He'd leaped past Kyouya and in front of Haruhi, where he had received a bullet directly into his stomach. The blood had poured out onto the carpet as Tamaki collapsed forward, the pale color spreading from his face down to his arms and so on. This life-ending action had been comletely wasted, as Haruhi had screamed and gone forward to Tamaki she had consequently head-butted a bullet.

This was when security showed up, though far too late. Those who did not want to die already had, and those who now wanted to die were saved.

When school started again, the boys did show up. But they were not the same. Kyouya had kept himself together the best. He did not look ragged or out of place. His glasses were darker now, to hide the dead look in his eyes though.

Hikaru looked as if he'd gone to hell and back on a one-way ticket. The long sleeves came in useful now, to hide the long cuts and slashes and scars along his arms and wrists. His hair was longer and went far past his eyes.

Mori had never looked very alive in the first place, but he seemed to have been shocked into silence. Or maybe over the summer, the Morinozuka family had expressed to him the shame he'd brought in letting one of the Honinozuka family die. He would not talk for anyone.

The boys went to the first place that made sense to them: the third music room. They went to meet each other again, even though they'd never discussed doing this. They just knew that the others would do it.

"Mori-senpai," muttered Kyouya. "Dai jobu desuka?"

The tall boy's eyes flicked sideways to the other, but he would not say anything or make any other gesture to show he'd heard him.

"Hikaru," Kyouya said then. "How are you?"

Hikaru was silent for a second. It seemed he'd been waiting for the anger to boil up inside of him so that he could let it up in words at such a stupid question.

"How do I look?" he snapped vicously. "How am I? How am I what? How am I living? I don't know!"

Kyouya remained quiet throughout this.

"How did I manage to come to school by myself? I was dragged!"

He ranted on before Kyouya rudely cut him off.

"Yamero," he said firmly. "We don't need to hear this."

"We? Who's 'we,' you and that silent freak over there? I don't think he can even hear anymore!"

This was a mistake to say. In one quick movement, Mori went from standing six feet away to holding Hikaru up against a wall by the lapel of his jacket.

"Don't talk about me like I can't hear you. I can hear you. I can hear a lot of things now. I can hear things in Heaven and in Hell, and on earth. I listen to make sure Mitsukuni-san is not in pain wherever he is."

He said this so quietly that Kyouya was hardly aware that he was talking. But Hikaru heard him clearly. He was unable to reply.

Mori dropped him and retreated back to the other end of the room.

Hikaru slid down the wall into a sitting position where he sat for a moment and didn't say anything. Then he put his head down, his forehead against his knees, and gripped his over-grown hair with his hands.

"Kaoru..." he sobbed quietly. "Nande? Nande?!"

"Hikaru," said Kyouya violently, "yamero. Urusai."

"Urusaio!" Hikaru screamed, looking up. "Kuso!"

He slammed the wall with his fist.

"You both are acting so goddam..." Hikaru trailed off for lack of words.

"Normal?" Kyouya finished. "Are we acting normal?"

Hikaru said nothing. He couldn't say anything.

"Is this _normal_ to you? Have we always been quiet freaks like this? Have you always been so angry and alone? Have I always been so..._Mean _to people?!"

Hikaru shook his head while Kyouya continued, his voice gaining volume.

"Is this the kind of people we've always been?! Has Mori always been so quiet and violent towards his friends?! Is this how you've seen us?!"

"Iie!" shrieked Hikaru finally, not unlike the time he'd screamed Kaoru's name on his dying day.

The room was silent for a while after that. Mori, who'd turned his head to watch the other two while they'd been screaming at each other, turned away again. But for the first time all summer, he spoke, quiet as it was.

"Is this how we're always going to be now? Is there no one who will be able to help us? I guess Haruhi or Tamaki might have been able to before. But we're like this because of them."

"I hope not," Hikaru said, his voice suddenly reduced down to a pathetic whisper.

Kyouya said nothing for a moment until he finally answered what they all knew was true: "Yes."


End file.
